We don't always test, but when we do...
Cheating is unforgivable, and by being the cheater, I didn't deserve to be with him. There was something missing and I by chance met someone and after a year of knowing them, I knew I couldn't hold back what I felt. I cheated emotionally for months, then once physically and then I ended the relationship to be with the other person. I emotionally cheated , got caught, went through hell, and then somehow was forgiven and we tried to work it out.
We broke up a few months later, which was awfully tough. Still is. Hit things. Break things. He would curse at me. Yell at me. He would raise his hands to me. And I couldn't stop him. I wasn't in love with the man I cheated with. But he treated me how I wanted to be treated.
If I wanted to take it slow, he moved slow … My wants mattered. I would do anything he wanted me to.
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Even things I wasn't into. I'd do anything because I knew he would respect my wishes if I decided I wanted to stop. We didn't even cuddle But he respected me more than my husband did. So yes, I cheated on my husband. But I never cheated on the man that I married. I cheated on my abuser.
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I cheated on my tormenter. It wasn't planned, it wasn't thought out, it just happened. One month ago was the best friend's birthday, we went to a cafe. The wife could not go, because the children were sick and could not leave them and I went alone. It all started with a cafe.
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It was fun and well, of course I got drunk, because a friend had an anniversary. So in the cafe, we got drunk and went on a walk.
Then I do not remember anything. I wake up at 4 am hours in bed, and next to an unknown woman, and even naked, sleeping. And then I realize that I'm not at home with his wife, and the hell knows where, and with a strange woman.
Of course, I quickly packed up and dumped. For Grant, an author and journalist living in Toronto, packing up and leaving wasn't immediately in the cards.
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Instead, she focused on her own healing with the help of a therapist , while her husband spent time in therapy separately. If both you and your partner want to take the necessary steps to heal from an affair, it can be done, but it's going to be a long road. Here are a few important actions to take together that can help repair your relationship.
This is the hardest step and will largely dictate whether or not you'll both be able to move forward.
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The answer largely depends on the motivating factors behind the affair. Where was the breakdown? What was it in our relationship that ultimately caused us to have an open door for someone else to walk into it? Having that insight in your relationship is going to be important.
Why do people cheat?
But if the person who cheated isn't willing to be upfront about why it happened — or starts pointing blame, repairing things might not be possible. Grant's husband admitted he was a sex addict and sought out therapy on his own to work through it. He had done everything he could to support me as I healed. If the affair is really, truly over, taking the physical steps to cut off contact with the person and set up boundaries is crucial to your partner's healing process.
Brandon Santan , a licensed marriage and relationship therapist practicing in Tennessee. Because Grant's husband worked with the woman he cheated with, this was more complicated. Being cheated on is damaging for a plethora of reasons, but one big factor that needs to be addressed in order to move past it is lack of honesty.